i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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