this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
