He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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