...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
