he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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