Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
