I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
