oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
