ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
