We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
