Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
