I puked a lego.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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