I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
