But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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