I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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