It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
