You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Nicole vs. Life
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
