I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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