Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize