Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
