This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
