In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
