I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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