he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He shit in the fireplace
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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