I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
