Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
