its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize