I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
