Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
