I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
the condom got lost in my hair
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
