my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
