Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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