i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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