i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
