Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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