just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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