even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
why is half of my head shaved?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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