I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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