She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
