Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
