so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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