he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
