Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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