he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
