3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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