What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
