she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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