Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
