you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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