maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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