Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Randomize
