I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
