Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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