Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
