and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
