It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
