Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My vagina is officially offended.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
