you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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