guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
