Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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