I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Randomize