Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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