so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
