sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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