i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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