I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
