she is the kim kardashian of front butts
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
