Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
