I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize