Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
