just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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