capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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