fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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